This Just In: I’m An Idiot.

So last weekend, the wife and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary by taking our first official vacation since our Honeymoon to Disneyworld.  (I’m not counting our wonderful trip to Milwaukee where the 6 inches of snow that blanketed the city kinda dampened the mood..) 

So we decided to visit our wonderful state capital in Springfield!  (hold for “oohs”, “aahs”, etc.)  Of course, when we looked into hotels in the area we found out that they were ALL BOOKED.  I mean ALL OF THEM!  “Why on earth would Springfield be booked up and shuttered down?”, you may ask.  Well, no it wasn’t for the reveal that the Simpsons were actually based in Illinois (It’s Oregon, which is probably the biggest triumph in the state’s history…) Turns out it’s the damn State Fair that started on Friday!  So we had to book in the closest town we could find, beautiful Decatur, IL!  Just a mere 40 miles away! Winning!

Now, we’re almost at the idiot part, so don’t start wandering.

So it’s Friday night and I feel alright… the party’s down on the West Sideand as we are getting ready for bed….

LEONAAAAARRRRRD!!!1!111!11!!! COME HERE! COME HERE!

Leonard: What?! What?!

Jaime: THERE’S A BUG ON THE BED AND IT CRAWLED RIGHT NEXT TO MY HEAD!!! HELP!!!

Leonard: [puts on 10 gallon Cowboy hat] Alright little lady, I’ll get rid of this critter fer ya. [spits tobacco juice]

Ok, that last bit was embellished only slightly… Anyway, I see the little guy and naturally we call the front desk, Jaime’s freaking out and the manager quickly offers us a room across the hall as all of the horror stories of people catching Bed Bugs and taking them home from the hotel and then infecting the whole house started running thru our heads.  We move over, I bring all  most of our clothes and belongings and the rest of the trip goes on unblemished and hopefully without a clutch of eggs waiting to hatch in our luggage.

Fast forward to Monday night… we’re back home.  Unpacking consists of immediately taking any clothes that could have touched the bed or floor and putting them in the dryer on high heat (evidently to Crispy-fy any little Bugs or their spawn that may have latched on)  But we finally get that done and then all seems well.  Until..

Jaime: Leonard… Where’s my [Kindle] Fire?

Leonard: [generic husband grunts]

Jaime: Did you remember to pack it when we switched rooms?!

Leonard: Oh S#%@#….

[panicked overturning of all luggage ensues]

So yeah, my idiocy in not checking the whole room before we switched has now resulted in a now missing (and almost certainly not returning) Kindle Fire, a gift for Jaime’s birthday and another tally for Lenny Screwups in an absolute rout over Lenny’s Moments of Common Sense.  Current score is 220-7 and no slaughter rule is in sight.

So, to recap:  Anniversary (Good); Springfield (Good); Hotel (Bad); State Fair (Awesome: Fed a Llama; Saw a pig birth; ate a Deep Fried Snickers); Gas Tank Fill ups (3); Bugs Killed on Windshield (infinity).  And one last last thing: If you find anything that is obviously not yours and you hear the devil on your shoulder whispering “Finders Keepers” in your ear, please please please Don’t Keep It.  Turn it in or try to contact the person and let them know.  The Karma Donkey Punch that you will get for holding onto it is not gonna be worth it and you’ll be much more satisfied knowing that a wrong has been righted!  Now where did I put my lunch..?

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One Response to This Just In: I’m An Idiot.

  1. Pingback: Quick Hits: Volume 1 | Chicago Gore

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