So, at the office that I work at, we started this monthly newsletter called “In the Queue” where a number of the staff collaborate to create so that we could kind of liven up the fact that we are dealing with the terminably unemployed. They asked me to contribute to the newsletter by writing an advice column which they titled “Ask Lenny“, sort of a How-To deal where I solve office ettiquette issues and brouhahas.
I’ve done 2 columns so far, and I’m going to share one of them here. Why, you ask? Well, to be honest I haven’t had much time to create something new and that’s why every network show eventually gets syndicated and rerun on TNT or USA right? (If I haven’t seen it, it’s New to me!) So, to the 5 people who read this blog, this one’s for you!
Q: Apparently our fridge has become a science project. How do we get it back?
Look, we’re all kind of one big extended family here right? We’ve got Momma Terry, Grandpa Mick, and even crazy Uncle Frank (come on, you know every sitcom has this guy causing trouble!) So, similar to a Governmental version of the Duggar family, we all at one time or another will bring in our lunches and snacks to eat. Unfortunately, since no one here won the $600 Million Mega Millions jackpot… we can’t afford to have more than just the one fridge to try to cram 30-40 lunches/drinks/casseroles/formaldehyde-filled-jars-with-preserved-animals/etc. So when people forget that they brought that leftover pot roast from Thanksgiving 2011, lucky me gets to discover what kind of moldy biohazard that time has created!
With so many people sharing one fridge, the chances of food sprouting legs increases. All kidding aside, this is extremely gross and potentially dangerous if someone here has a bad reaction to opening up one of your little time bombs. So let’s all do the right thing and institute a system that is fair to everyone and above all safe! Each week on Friday, 2 people are assigned to go through the fridge and have the right to dispose of any container/bag/jug that has no apparent owner or indication it will be eaten anytime soon. To give offenders fair warning, an email will go out Friday at 11 AM and at 4 PM informing them to remove any items they have not eaten (if you haven’t eaten it yet, why did you bring it?? Take it home!)
P.S. And to those of you rolling your eyes saying “Whatever, Leonard… I don’t bring food to work! I go out to eat at Buona Beef every day!” To that I have 2 points: 1.) what do you have?? Stock options in the company?? 2.) If you have money to eat out everyday… maybe you can chip in for oh, I don’t know… Another fridge for us common folk! Just sayin…